Showing posts with label Eric Erikson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eric Erikson. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Spiritual Stages of Growth

As Christians we all grow at different rates and go through stages at different times in our walk with the Lord. Not understanding these stages creates the majority of conflict, judgment, backbiting, sinful conduct and splits within Church congregations. Meeting a Christian, who was not where I was, or vice versa, who seemed to understand at a greater depth than I did, upset me. My sin nature was at work. On one hand I was angry with the one who believed and acted as a child in the faith and on the other hand I envied and felt less than in the presence of someone I thought to be "better than myself."

From the time we are born until we die each of us will go through various types of developmental stages including spiritual development. For instance, we obviously go through a series of physical stages. We are told by scientists that once every seven years dramatic changes take place in our bodies. Think with me of the physical state of a new born, then a seven-year-old, a fourteen-year-old, a twenty-one-year-old etc. We would not expect the same degree of physical maturity from a seven-year-old and a twenty-one-year-old, would we?

In addition to physical changes there are also mental changes. Piaget is well known to educators for his theory of cognitive development. Piaget asserts that people develop cognitive capacities to meet needs that emerge at different ages and continue throughout life. The person meets these needs in different ways during different stages of life…..Thus one would expect a vast difference between a fourth grade class study of geology and an undergraduate course in college in geology. The fourth grade class would be geared for the cognitive developmental stage of the child as would the college course be geared for 20 year olds.

According to Eric Erickson we go through numerous psychosocial stages of development. One stage pertinent to my age (between 40 and 65) is called “Generativity verses Stagnation and self-absorption.” If between 40 and 65 years of age I negotiate this stage successfully I will have come to a place in life where I will reexamine my life, ask the hard questions of myself, and make mid-life corrections. Out of my life experiences I will be concerned for my community and be free for a life of care and concern for others. After negotiating this final stage in life, age 65, labeled stage of integrity, whereby I can look back on my life and have a sense of satisfaction knowing that I lived life well. If however, on the other hand I do not negotiate this stage successfully and become stagnated and self-preoccupied; I will find myself at age 65 entering the final stage of life called the stage of Despair, as I come to terms with what my life could have been.

Spiritual development is the same. We are told in Romans 8:29-30 to “be conformed to the image of Jesus;”and in Ephesians 4: 14- 15 "we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ." As we have seen in previous posts, this being conformed cannot be done in our own efforts, but by the Holy Spirits' leading and enabling us to grow. Philippians 2: 13 states "For it is God who is at work within you helping you want to do His will and then helping you to do His will."

Spiritual growth in knowledge and wisdom is a process. We are shown in Isaiah 28: 9-10 how we learn, "line upon line…, precept upon precept…, here a little there a little." And we all learn at different rates, plus we internalize and integrate different principles into our lives at different rates. So I may have internalized something you have not yet internalized and vice versa.

Scott Peck proposes 4 Stages of Faith development.
Peck contends that most all young children and perhaps one in five Christians fall into Stage I. These people seem generally incapable of loving others. They may pretend to be loving but are essentially manipulative and self-serving. In truth they are what one might call a Pseudo-Christian. Some may be quite disciplined in the service of the church in order to get their needs met. Thus they may rise to positions of considerable prestige and power even to become influential preachers.

From time to time people in this stage get in touch with the chaos and conflict of their own being. Most people just ride it out unchanged. A few take their own lives and some convert, if you will, to Stage II.
Such conversions are sudden and dramatic. It is as if God has reached down and grabbed that soul and yanked it up a quantum leap. Anything is preferable to chaos so people in Stage II are willing to submit themselves to an institution for their governance by principles and laws. But they have not yet understood the spirit of the law (grace). Consequently they are legalistic, parochial and dogmatic. God to them is almost entirely that of an external, transcendent Being. Transcendent meaning so far above us, so independent of us. Although they consider Him loving they generally feel He possesses and will use punitive power against them. They are threatened by anyone who thinks differently and so regard it their responsibility to defend the law. The law to them is more important than the relationship.

Frequently people in Stage II begin to question the inconsistencies they see between imposing the law and walking a walk of love and grace, thus they move into Stage III. This is considered a questioning phase. To on lookers it appears the person has backslidden. These questions are a required beginning of an emptying process. Emptying oneself of preconceptions, prejudices and the need to control others. Individuals generally remain stuck in Stage II because they do not doubt deeply enough. Stage III would be considered a period of time when the person begins to own their own faith. To summarize Stage III, people begin to seek truth for themselves.

Peck contends that one out of 20 Christians move on into Stage IV. This is a period that is not easy to define. These people are extremely aware of mystery. They acknowledge the enormity of the unknown but rather than being frightened by it, they seek to penetrate ever deeper into it that they may understand more. They are most acutely aware that as Christians we are collectively called to community (a unity of love) and realize that what divides us into warring camps is precisely the lack of this awareness. Additionally they have become practiced at emptying themselves of preconceived notions, prejudices and judgments. They know that we are to all be one in Christ.

Our most pure example of a Stage IV person is Jesus Himself. Jesus was criticized for associating with drunkards, tax collectors, and sinners. Jesus emptied Himself and became a servant to mankind, seeking the lost, encouraging and giving life to the down trodden, loving and healing the mentally and physically ill.

The angriest Jesus became was at Stage II people who considered the law more important than relationship to people. He encouraged people in Stage III who were struggling with their faith rather than judging them. The disciples were clearly those of “little faith” but Jesus said it didn’t take great faith, just faith as large as tiny mustard seed would do.

Jesus commissioned us to Love God, Love ourselves, and to Love others; in fact, love others as Christ loved us. He called us to community: to come together in unity of the Spirit. Whether we are from any one of the many Protestant denominations or any one of the Catholic denominations all else is non-essential to salvation except who we say Jesus is and our relationship with Jesus. We can all fellowship with each other as we fellowship around Jesus.

Peck contends that people in Stage II understand people in Stage I but cannot relate to people in Stage III. Similarly, people in Stage III can relate to people in Stage II but cannot relate to people in Stage IV and so on.

Which stage do you want to be in? That answer will either propel you into a greater spiritual maturity or keep you stuck. Paul encourages us in Hebrews 5: 11 - 6 to not be "partakers only of milk, a babe…solid food is for the mature ….we are to leave the elemental teachings and press on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God."

And in Philippians 3: 12 - 16 we see a very motivated Paul speaking of "pressing on in order that he may lay hold of that for which also he was laid hold of by Christ Jesus….and reaching forward to what lies ahead…
he presses on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you press on.





Wednesday, October 27, 2010

GOD-ESTEEM VS. SELF-ESTEEM

[This topic is two-fold. I am writing to you the person reading this, but also to those who are parents of children. You can apply this to your children as well as yourself]


The definition of self-esteem according to Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology states: Self-esteem is the unique characteristic of human beings to describe and evaluate themselves. Self-esteem is the degree of positive or negative feelings that one has as a result of such assessment.

As Christian parents we want our children to have a strong, positive foundation of acceptance of who they are. To date, the major characteristics of psychosocial development have not been amended since Eric Erikson devised the eight stages we each go through, either successfully or unsuccessfully. The list in order of development includes:

 Basic trust vs. Mistrust (very early childhood, based on quality of parent- child relationship)

 Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (preschool, dealing with self-control or over-parental control)

 Initiative vs. Guilt (grammar school, child plans and conquers and then must deal with issues of any guilt as a result)

 Industry vs. Inferiority (winning recognition through production) sports, music, academic achievement, leadership, whatever)

 Identity vs. Role Confusion (adolescence self-concept issues)

 Intimacy vs. Isolation (young adulthood, connecting with others)

 Regeneration vs. Stagnation (adulthood, regarding productivity in adulthood and the ability to reinvent one's self)

 Personal Integrity vs. Despair (late adulthood, life evaluation)

Each of us pray our children will not get stuck in any one particular developmental stage. We want them to successfully go through each stage and conquer it in order to have a healthy sense of self. And if as adults we became stuck in any one stage it would be advisable to receive some help in order to get unstuck and move on.

The word self-esteem in and of itself is neither positive nor negative nor right or wrong. It depends on how it is framed for a child or a Christian adult. God-esteem is a word I coined in order to replace the word self-esteem. Why? Self-esteem seems to have a negative connotation to many Christians. To many it denotes having confidence in self, in one's ability to succeed, in one's ability to live life our way with confidence without God. We trust in ourselves to do life. It is expressed in Frank Sinatra's song entitled "My Way" where he sings the refrain, "I did it my way." This implies he didn't do it God's way but his way.

The main difference I see between God-esteem and self-esteem is God is not in the life of the person. When God is not in a person's life you operate out of humanism. Humanism is the ability of men/women in and of themselves to bring about good, peace and justice for humanity. Their emphasis is on man's ability to self-actualize and become self-transcendent beings controlled by no one outside of themselves but by their own values and choices alone.

Many great and mighty things have been accomplished without God, as well as horrific things; however, becoming stronger in ourselves is in direct opposition to the Word of God. Christianity teaches we are unable to live out God’s directives. Hopefully we turn to God for His strength and His ability and His plan for our lives which He gives us through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. God-esteem frees us to embrace the reality of our inadequacy yet at the same time to embrace the truth that we are loved and accepted by God. Humanism, on the other hand, builds up the flesh.

Flesh is defined in Romans 8:3 (Amplified Bible) as "the entire nature of man without the Holy Spirit;" in Romans 8:12 as "the carnal nature of man;" in 1 Corinthians 1:3 as “under the control of ordinary impulses;” and finally in Ephesians 2:3, "we as well as you once lived and conducted ourselves in the passions of our flesh [our behavior governed by our corrupt and sensual nature], obeying the impulses of the flesh and the thoughts of the mind [our cravings dictated by our senses and our dark imaginings]. We were then by nature children of [God's] wrath and heirs of [His] indignation, like the rest of mankind."

This way of life is contrary to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God desires our "esteem" or estimation of ourselves to come from Him; thus the word "God-esteem". To me God-esteem seems to reflect God's intent towards us, His children. That intent is to love, to accept, to protect, to teach, to care for, to mentor, to forgive and to give mercy to us especially when it is undeserved. I John 4:19 states, "We love God because He first loved us." While we were in the depth of sin and did not know or care about Him, God loved us (Romans5:8 paraphrase). In sending Jesus he made a way for us to receive His love. Once we discover how much He loves us, we feel safe to love Him back. Our God-esteem comes from God's love for us.

But what happens to our God-esteem if we fail at something? I do not know what humanists feel or think when they fail. I do know what I think and feel. In the past I did one of two things. I was angry and found someone else to blame which protected me from my own reality or I would lash out at myself, judging and condemning myself which led to depression and anxiety.

God does not want Christians blaming others for our failures. He also does not want us to beat up on ourselves for days, weeks, months or a life time for our failures. It is in your failures and your child's failures "God-Esteem" comes to the rescue. Once you sense true remorse in yourself or your child, it is time to build back up your God-Esteem. Remind yourself of who you are in Christ. Remind yourself what God has done for you because of Jesus' completed work on the cross. One gift from God is His forgiveness and “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1)Celebrate with your child God's forgiveness.  Celebrate with enthusiasm how merciful and loving God is. Thank God and give Him praise. By doing this you are building up the child's God-esteem.

 

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