What If .....

I am lounging here on my sofa for the third day of being snowed in. Being from the South I find it cleansing. It is soooo white. It seems to unify our neighborhood as one yard blends into the next. Children are out playing, husbands taking off from work. My girlfriends decided enough is enough .We wanted to go see The Kings Speech, but no one came to work at the theatre today. Our city is closed. Closed to those who are stuck and want to get to their homes and closed to those who want to come to our city. When the malls are closed you know you are in trouble.

Because we have several more days of possibly not getting on the roads these are some of the thoughts that began to plague me. What if this was some sort of terrorist attack and we were all sequestered in our homes due to "whatever" comes with that? (Fear goes up) My regular, put together meals, would be gone in several days. I have a lot of canned goods, but how much canned tomatoes and canned asparagus can you eat?

With all that is going on in the world, every day seems like a new disaster has taken place somewhere in the world; Australia with the floods, Arizona with the tragic killings, and the birds and fish that died last week for seemingly no reason. It's just plain scary.

Now just what if we are near the end of times and the Christians do go through the tribulation? (Fear way up now) How will I make it? Even though Jesus returning makes me happy; however, just as a young mother who has just learned she is pregnant is happy with the news; each realizes that in order to have that happiness we must go through a lot of pain and struggle to get there. Pain is the main reason I became a Licensed Professional Counselor. I wanted to alleviate the pain of others. I have no shame in declaring, "I hate pain." Whatever kind of pain, I hate it.

This brings me to the issue of today; control. How much control do we really have in life and why do we want that control. I believe the main reason we want control is we see control as a means to protect ourselves. From what? From everything that seems to threaten us, whatever that may be. Each of us has a uniquely different set of things that intimidate us.

Our childhood more than likely laid down a foundation for many of the things that frighten us. But also the world today with all of its complexities can scare us. Some of which are work, family, education, health and political issues. Others are the sin nature of man/woman (What will they do next?), our children, foreign threats, personal attacks on our faith, and personal attacks on our personhood such as rejection, negation, dismissal by significant others in our lives. All of which we have little control over.

We may study hard, borrow money from the bank to educate ourselves, all the while thinking we are in control of our circumstances and, boom, we have an economy like we have today and no jobs are to be found. And how are we going to make our school loan payments? So even though we think we are in control of many of life's circumstances, we never know just what might be around the corner.

Secular psychology contends there is a hierarchy of needs that we all have. Maslow, who came up with this hierarchy, studied healthy people, while most psychologists studied sick people. Due to the fact that Maslow put 20 years into this study we can only touch a tiny portion, but suffice it to say the lowest rung on the ladder are the needs for breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, excretion, homeostasis (the need for everything in life to stand still). Most of our third world country neighbors exist on this level. However, many in America, more often than not, need for everything not to change.

One of the characteristics at the top of the hierarchy, under the mantel of self-actualization, is being able to live in the "not knowing." Not knowing what is going to happen and being at peace with that. In other words realizing, "I cannot control life outside of myself and I am ok with that."

This self-actualization  of being ok with not knowing, is a major theme throughout the Bible. Numerous verses come to mind.
• Exodus 14:13
And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will show to you today: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again no more forever.
• 2 Chronicles 20:17
17Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you.

God is encouraging us when our "not knowing" is plaguing us. We are to stand still and watch God work on our behalf. He desires we be ok with the not knowing of how He can possibly work out such a bad situation,

In Nave's topical Bible I notice that faith and trust are considered to be one and the same. How many times do we read "trust Me" and "have faith in Me" throughout the Old and New Testament? When earthly fears overtake us we are encouraged to trust God and His capability. Have faith not in our ability but in God's ability. I found 113 instances of the words “have trust” and “have faith.”

Can we just let go and let God as they say in AA? Or do we want to control and manipulate the situation for our good. There is a verse in the Old Testament that says, "manipulation is as witchcraft, says the Lord." Think about witchcraft. The person using whatever form is trying to either discover the future in order to possibly manipulate the outcome or manipulate people so the outcome is in their favor. We as Americans have subtle ways of manipulating people and circumstances. We don't call it witchcraft; however, it is.

A friend of ours manipulated his son by being the first to obtain his son's acceptance letter to the college the young man desired to go. He tore it up and told his son he did not get in. The young man ended up going to the small college his father desired. To this day I don't think this 40+ year old man knows what his father did; manipulate the circumstances. God would say the father used witchcraft.

The final passage that comes to mind regarding our trying to control or manipulate our circumstances rather than standing still and seeing the salvation of the Lord is found in Matthew 6: 25-3. With Jesus speaking it begins with; “Therefore I tell you, stop being [v]perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing?” …..

From this point Jesus encourages us to think about the birds and how they do not worry, but the Lord supplies their needs. He asks, "What has worrying ever gotten us?” We can't control how or when we are going to die. Jesus refers to the flowers and their glory and reminds us they do not spin, toil or fret about the future. If my Father takes care of birds and flowers He will even take better care of you. Don't worry about what we are going to eat, drink, and wear because God knows we need these things to live.
Jesus ends with, "So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble."

One day at a time, Micky. One day at a time, Micky. One day at a time.

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WHAT DOES BEING A CHRISTIAN REALLY MEAN?

If anything good has come of all the political turmoil we find ourselves in, it is the mainstream media's discussion of God and what it means to be spiritual. Last night my husband and I watched PBS's second in a three part series entitled "God in America." Even though it covered various God oriented religions, I am a spokes person for Christianity.

A recent Pew survey tells us that not only secular people but also Christians don't know much about Christianity. Christians not knowing much about their faith seems strange to me, yet I was one of those people brought up in the faith and at age 30 still had little idea of what Christianity was all about.

From the time I was little, up through high school, I was taken to church weekly. I went to a church where the Bible was taught; thus I should know a lot. Even the high school I attended taught the Bible. Yet I missed what the Bible was saying. I knew the stories and the characters from Abraham, Moses, David, Jesus and all, but what were those stories telling me? All I understood was there is a God and that these people loved God and were obedient. Jesus is God's Son sent to earth to show us how to live. He loved God and was obedient. What was the bottom line application for me; love God and be obedient?

Around the age of 16 or so I decided I had nothing against Christians or my Christian upbringing, but I could not muster up the love for God others seemed to have, nor could I come close to "doing what Jesus would do." Obedience was not an option for me. I could not pull it off. I drifted from the faith of my family for 14 years.

Due to some difficult, unexpected things happening inside my home and outside my home, I began to think about God again. But what to do, I did not know. A friend invited me to a "Prayer Breakfast." I liked my friend, had nothing against Christians, so I went. Little did I know my life would be changed forever that day.

The speaker told her story; how each thing she desired and pursued, upon getting it, her bubble of excitement would bust. The entity did not satisfy. Off she would go chasing another goal and so on. I was mesmerized as I identified with her. Our goals were different yet the pursuing, obtaining, and the let down were the same. Why this melancholy, I would ask? I have the thing I so desired.

Being caught up in her story, I was suddenly brought back as I heard her say, "If anyone would like to invite Jesus to come into their lives, pray this prayer with me." Oh no! I thought. I was raised being asked this question Sunday after Sunday. What in the heck are they talking about? I never did understand the meaning of "invite Jesus into your life." Like, where was He to live and what was I to do as a result? What are they asking of me?

Anxiety rose up in my stomach. I so identified with her story. I so wanted to understand what this "invite Jesus into your life" meant. As I later found out, God looks at the heart of people not necessarily their actions. He looked at my heart that day. Of all the things my heart might be holding that were not so godly, there was one thing He saw and I knew also. I was desperate to know Him.

As she continued, I heard something that would forever change me and take me out of the kingdom of my own darkness and translate me into the kingdom of His son (Colossians1:13). She said, "Invite Jesus into your life and let Him live His resurrected life in and through you. Let Him walk around the streets of Atlanta using your hands and your heart to reach out to the hurting people of Atlanta."

My immediate thought was, "Do you mean Jesus will live the Christian life for me? He will live His resurrected life in and through me?All I have to do is to invite Him into my life and He will do His Father's will as I allow Him?" Reality hit me. Me, in my own strength, trying to be like Jesus was not Christianity. Conversely, Christianity is God's strength in me doing God's will, not vice versa.

Now this is doable, I reflected. Jesus will do for me what I cannot do for myself. A pin hole of light hit me as I began to understand with Jesus in me, actually it is the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19), I will have to have a very close personal relationship with Him as we will be working together. This is what Christians are talking about when they ask, "Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?"

I was ecstatic! What a relief! I felt free. A burden came off of me that day and was put onto Jesus, just like He asked in Matthew 11:28. I am to let Him work through me. Why does it have to be this way? God knows we are sinful (missing the mark of perfection). No big surprise to God. Because God is perfect and demands perfection (perfect good works, perfect Godly thoughts) from us, He knew we could never measure up to His standards. We were stuck, mired down in our own imperfections and dysfunctions. In order to bring us into His family and begin to change us from the inside out His Son would come to earth, live a perfect life "for us", take our punishment on Himself for every sin in the world (past, present, future) and give us the opportunity to take His perfect righteousness, if we so choose.

You and I are not Christians because of our good works. Good works are the icing on the cake and come after we have fallen in love with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We do not earn any "brownie points" with God by doing good works. The bottom line is I cannot fix you. You cannot fix yourself. Only God can fix us. He happens to have already done this 2000 years ago in Jesus' finished work on the cross. We either accept Jesus' righteousness for ourselves or reject it and do our own good works by trying to do what Jesus would do.

If you allow Jesus to live in you and do His works, then God gets all the glory. As you will know I could not have done that by myself. If you live doing the works of Jesus yourself, then you will get the glory and it counts for nothing .You get to choose. Do good works your way or God's way, "Christ in you is your hope of glory." Amen

Colossians1:13 [The Father] has delivered and [a]drawn us to Himself out of the control and the dominion of darkness and has transferred us into the kingdom of the Son [b]of His love.

1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God?

Matthew 11:28 and Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will [a]ease and relieve and [b]refresh [c]your souls.]"

Leave a comment or question please or send on to a friend who might benefit from this post. Micky

FIVE YEAR OLD STAND OFF

My adorable cute grandson, aren't they all, age 5 and 3/4 just entered kindergarten this past week. Having been to preschool for several years; two days a week then three days and then 5 days a week, I thought the transition would go smoothly.  But, Oh No!  My son and daughter in law were in for a ride they may not have anticipated. 

The first day of school, fine. Second day fine.  Then I think it dawned on him, "This is forever!!!" His life has been so nurturing and loving and FREE up to this point. Day three, four and five and some intermingled in there up until today, have been filled with break downs, sometimes several in one day: stomach aches, 3 times in one day to the nurses office; stand offs, "I will not go;" Waking up numerous times at night; Fitful sleep; to "the days are too long, I want to come home."  He does have a point on this one and I agree. School no longer starts at 9:00 but 7:50. He no longer gets out at 12:00 but at 3:00. That's a big change. Grandmother is not feeling too good at this point. She wants to kiss and FIX him and make it all OK.

As a grandmother I only have snippets of time to be with him in a way I could not be there for my own children. Why? Number 1, because I did not know then what I know today and number 2, I was still an emotional child myself and at war with myself. (more on that at a later date)

So what do I know today that I did not know then? As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I have worked with hundreds of people who also did not know what I now know. The three principles I want to have an Open Heart about today, I learned the hard way; chaos in the family, personal counseling for myself, and then the academic route in graduate school.

Principle #1. Children, adults too, either talk out or act out their pain. We are not born with the capacity to talk out our pain. A child has no idea what is happening to him/her on the inside. It just feels "bad, it hurts." So they act out. Talking things out has to be taught and learned; taught by the parent and if not later taught by a professional. So when a child acts out this is your signal, you need to help him/her talk "it" out.  Your first try may come with an "I don't want to talk." Leave them alone for a couple of hours or even if needs be a few days. But DO go back and get "it" out. (We don't know what "it" is at this point, neither do they.) So don't ask what is wrong? More than likely you won't get an answer.

My therapist used to say to me, "The pain you are feeling needs to be thrown up much like throwing up when having a upset stomach . You need to get that pain up and out of you and we will do that by talking it out."  I am reminded of the Bible verse that says, "Share ye one another's burdens that you may be healed." The sharing with someone who will not judge you, give you immediate advice or try to fix you is indeed spiritual and healing. Pain does not just go away with time, it accumulates and  crescendos and impacts your relationship with God, with yourself and with others adversely.

Principle #2: Take the child's acting out, fears, anger etc. seriously. It is as real a confusion of pain to him as it is to us when we "freak" out on the inside over some situation. No matter how many "It will be better," "Things will be fine," It will be really fun today," "You will make so many new friends," etc. comments we make to encourage them, they WILL backfire. Rightly or wrongly 100% of the time, the child or adult interprets these types of well meaning statements as "You (the child) can really please me by really having fun today." Yet, when they go to school and do not have fun the child feels even more depressed and goes deeper into despair and clams up even more.

So what do we do? They need validation* which is the one thing we humans have a hard time understanding and doing. We want to fix the child. (That seems reasonable to me doesn't it to you). Have you ever tried? No more said. The child needs to know it is OK to feel what they feel. Once they know their feelings are OK, for some magical "spiritual" reason, the scary feelings and acting out flies away. Isn't that how it is with God, our Abba (Father). Romans 8:15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

We fear something. We act out in an unhealthy way. We finally talk it out with God. He validates us with His love, His grace and then works from the inside out of us to heal our pain, fears, anger and poof, the pain and acting out are gone.  That is if you believe in the Christian God of Grace and Love. Know you are mentoring God and giving your child a face to God when you learn to validate them rather than fix them.

Principle #3: Situations like these in our lives and in my grandson's life is one of the many reasons Jesus came and died for us and rose from the grave. It is in these situations that Jesus can become experimentally real in our lives. When we are weak (scared, angry, freaking out,) He is strong on our behalf." 2 Corinthians 12:9 And He  (God) has said to me (Paul), "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the  power of Christ may dwell in me.

 If we choose to ask God  to work our internal pain out for us and we trust He will, a peace that passes understanding arises within us and we are "fit to conquer the world. " John 14:27  Jesus said "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance The Lord be with you all."  We then give thanks, to God, why? Because we know we could never have changed ourselves.
 
Tell your children that Jesus wants to take his/her fear or anger away.  Pray with your child and ask him/her to give the pain to Jesus as best he can. Remind him that neither you nor Jesus are mad at him. Tell him Jesus always wants to be there for him when he feels pain.  He wants to fix it for you.  When your child acts out again, go through this entire process once more inviting Jesus into your talking and praying things out. 

*Validation: is communication to your child or spouse that the information being received and mirrored makes sense to you. It indicates that you can see the information from your child’s point of view and can accept that it has validity; meaning it is true for your child. It may not be true for you though.  Validation requires a temporary suspension or transcendence, if you will, of your point of view. This allows your child’s experience to have it own reality. Typical validating phrases are:
“I can see that…. “
“It makes sense to me that you would think that.”
“I can understand that…..”
Such phrases convey to your child that their subjective experience is not crazy, that it has its own logic and that it is a valid way of looking at things.
To validate your child’s message does not mean that you agree with his/her point of view or that it reflects your subjective experience.
It merely recognizes the fact that people can see things differently.  The process of validation affirms the child and increases trust and closeness. (Your goal)